Go Ahead and Hit Me!

“Go ahead and hit me!”

Emotion steams through darting eyes
Gaze locked with mine
For a instant in time
Everything that he’d internalized
Was absorbed into that moment

“Go ahead and hit me! I aint afraid to die…”

Takes more than “the right kind”
To find that the pain inside every step knows no reason to be alive

And I cried for him
For them
For every Black boy who thought their life insignificant
Meaningless
Only worth the taking
By someone who hadn’t earned it
Didn’t own it
And had no intention to ever give it back

He was already dying to live
Living to die
We know so few
Yet lose so many
What’s one more life?

The self-believed worthlessness of our people leads to stained sidewalks
You can’t see through blood to understanding
So he puts life at risk
Trades rights for tricks
Because he thinks that this is his way of demanding
Respect
Affirmation
Approval
But as usual, he is misled by bling and all the things that have no real value
And so he travels through life with a chip on his shoulder
And while he carries the weight
His heart just gets colder

With every friend lost to nigga
And every nigga lost to trigger
The world just gets bigger
While his passion just gets sicker

It’ll die soon
Just like the rest of him
His dreams will die too
Just like the best of them

What was, can never be again
Back then he was a kid with pipe dreams and friends
Now he’s a rebel
Regressing to when
A future was worth believing
And his people had meaning

But now he’s realizing
That equal opportunities are just lies
And he’ll have to work harder
Be stronger
And stand taller
To be awarded the same things
As those who hadn’t earned them

Oh, but baby maybe for a moment
If you’ll listen, I can show you that your forefathers were kings
And just when we gave flight, oppression clipped our wings
But freedom, she sings
She can he heard through our history
Through our voyage
Through our triumph
And through our victories
You have the blood of warriors pumping through your veins
And all that pain can either be an excuse
Or you can use it to revitalize your passion
Take back your life and stop asking
Feast on life and stop fasting
Live instead of just lasting
Because this life, it keeps passing
And I don’t want for you to be another casualty

All of this is what I should have told him
But instead he just looked back at me
As he kept walking toward his destiny

And I’ll pray for him
Because nothing I do can undo over 600 years of oppression
And no amount of words can convince him he’s worth more than less than
Not even his own reflection can reassure a soul who’s stopped believing in his blessings
Only he can learn this lesson
He is so beautiful and worthy
Instead he’ll go on not knowing

See, while he’s yelling “Hit me!” all I hear is “Save me!”

…but instead I’ll just keep going.

An Astounding Illustration of Heaven

A wave of affliction causes the depiction of this prison to be much different than what it actually is.
Past decisions no longer affect my inner vision.
My spirit, slowly giving in…
I must not
Cannot
Will not allow it to die out
My prayer: undying dedication to the relation between want, desire, passion and action.
Remove my uncensored attraction to unworthiness and doubt.
Fill that void instead with motivation and drive.
Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud.*
It is the devotion for my people that teaches me how
To love
I will not wander about this place,
Wasting His grace,
His gifts,
Masking His face
Must allow it to shine through places that others have wasted
And remember the fulfillment of freedom
Because I had forgotten how it tasted.
Sweet
In small breaths, I smell it.
In moments, I’ve felt it.
Damn that feeling!
Always lasting,
Never passing,
Forgotten treasure
Seldom remembered
Until the absence of You provides the promise of never something better.
If ever again I get to enjoy your sacred places,
I promise to honor that, which is more than just as occasion,
But instead an astounding illustration of Heaven



*1 Corinthians 13:4