Making Love to Music - RIP Whitney Houston

I wrote this piece in 2005. Whitney's death reminded me of how significant music has been in defining my relationship to love and relationships. Whitney's music was a major part of the soundtrack to my life for all of 27 years. So I'm dedicating this piece to her. Thank you for the mark that you've made on music and Black culture and love. RIP Whitney Houston

Making Love to Music
Since I was a little girl
My world revolved around music
I can still remember the sweet tunes
That taught me how not to lose
A man unless you’re on both knees fighting
Heard the voice of superwomen hidden behind the guise of sad love songs
And baby, baby pleases gone on too long

Mary had time on her hands since you went away
She was going down just to stop the pain
Almost lost my breath when Toni said you leaving made her stop breathing
Didn’t matter that you spent seven whole days lying, deceiving and cheating
She couldn’t bear any more walks in the park
Without you, she just couldn’t go on
An angel never got a chance to unbreak her heart
Before she was singing another sad love song

Mariah gave her all for just one night
But love never brought you home.
Guess she thought if she catered to you, she could make it alright.
But Destiny’s Child was wrong.

She broke down
Couldn’t find no ground
When you forgot about us
Because we belong together…

Lengthened my nights and darkened my days
Found myself scared to go home
Because broken hearts never find their way
Sweet country tunes
Soothed me to bed
As questions of how I would live without you swarmed through my head

You meant the world to me
You were my everything
I swear, the only thing that mattered, mattered to me

I was dangerously in love

I wondered how I would see without you
Because according to Toni, there’s no moon without you
There’s no meaning to life without you
Because Whitney taught me I have nothing if I don’t have you
So I’ll be saving all of my love for…you

And so I found myself dependant on you
Because something so real to my livelihood had to be true
And these thoughts became the soundtrack for everything I went through
Even though our loving put me though hell,
I had to hold on…because you were teaching me how to love myself

I fed off you like honey to a bee
And sooner or later my innocence was also drowned out by the sounds of baby, baby please…

Until Tina taught me love isn’t more than a second hand emotion
And I became convinced I didn’t need my heart because it would just get broken
And…so I became bitter

Like Keisha, I just wanted it to be over
But instead of sticking around and crying on your shoulder,
I should’ve cheated
Because you turned out NOT to be all the man that I needed
Now I’m all cried out over you

It’s just like Toni said, you weren’t man enough for me
Maybe it wasn’t really love after all
But I stuck my ground
I played hard ball!
So in the end, I did what I had to do
I mean, c’mon,
I learned from the best
I learned from you

Wondered why my heart had turned cold
When at first our love was all I had to show
But music had invaded my heart and captured my soul
Convinced that you were who made me whole
Then realized shortly after that I deserved more

Thanks to Keisha I was able to let it go
And Alicia let me know, at least it was a lesson learned
Brandy taught me that almost doesn’t count
Destiny’s Child showed me how to be independent
That’s what real survival is about
You were a bad habit that I had to break
Had to move on before you left with all that you could take
Whitney told me, “It’s not right, but it’s ok.”
And just when you said you loved me, and I began to doubt,
JoJo schooled me on how to tell you to get out!

Beyonce convinced me I was irreplaceable
So I gladly told you “to the left”
That’s when Tamia taught me how to finally choose me
Because I can love me best

And so looking back, it makes perfect sense
The evolution of my heart
While all of the time I thought that I had been making love to you,
I had been making love to music from the start…

Songs mentioned and/or quoted in this piece (In order):

I’m Going Down by Mary. J Blige
Breathe Again by Toni Braxton
Seven Whole Days by Toni Braxton
There’s No Me Without You by Toni Braxton
How Could An Angel Break My Heart by Toni Braxton
Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton
Another Sad Love Song by Toni Braxton
My All by Mariah Carey
Love Should’ve Brought You Home Last Night by Toni Braxton
Cater to You by Destiny’s Child
Breakdown by Mariah Carey
Don’t Forget About Us by Mariah Carey
We Belong Together by Mariah Carey
Where Do Broken Hearts Go by Whitney Houston
How Do I Live Without You by Leanne Rhymes
You Mean The World To Me by Toni Braxton
Dangerously In Love by Destiny’s Child
There’s No Me Without You by Toni Braxton
I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston
Saving All Love For You by Whitney Houston
What’s Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner
I Just Want It To Be Over by Keisha Cole
I Should’ve Cheated by Keisha Cole
All The Man That I Need by Whitney Houston
All Cried Out by Lisa Lisa and Colt Jam (Original)/All Cried Out by Allure and 112 (Remake)
Man Enough for Me by Toni Braxton
Lesson Learned by Alicia Keys
Almost Doesn’t Count by Brandy
Independent Woman by Destiny’s Child
Survivor by Destiny’s Child
Bad Habit by Destiny’s Child
It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay by Whitney Houston
Leave (Get Out) by JoJo
Girl by Destiny’s Child
Irreplaceable by Beyonce
Me by Tamia

"I hope life treats you kind and I hope you have all you dreamed of. And I wish you joy and happiness but above all this I wish you love." Whitney Houston (I Will Always Love You)