I am from...
Mango and lime trees
Dried out wishing wells
And banana leaves
I am from...
She who raised me to be great
Worked hard so that her ceiling could be my floor
No matter how high my own expectations
She believed in my for more
I am from…
Less than enough and still more than we needed
From outhouses
Scarce resources
And faith in He who we were taught to believe in
I am from...
Catholicism and broad Christianity
From religion and sacrilegious tragedy
I am from betrayal of the book and treason
From denial of His word and what we were forced to believe in
I am from...
His touch
Unwanted
Unwarranted
Seduced by the satisfaction of those who desired me to desire them
Turned lovers and friends
To false angels and demons
Therein dictating the love that I believed in
I am from...
Beliefs’ being what grounds me
And challenges me to be the me He's destined me to be
I am from…
This person
This place
This thing
This tradition
This memory
Those that made me but still do not define me
I am me.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The Key to My Essence
You remind me of my essence
In that moment we’re undressing
And I let you inside of me
I trust in you
Lust in you
Like it’s okay for women to do
Contrary to double standards
And the only power you abuse
While I’m there on top of you
Is the power that I choose
In that moment I am freed
The key to my essence
And all that it takes
When destiny collides with fate
There’s no escape
Our love transforms the moon into sunlight
And we become one with midnight
As I fight the urge to purge this impurity building inside of me
You find me a solution
A resolution to this madness
In that moment, I become a woman
No longer weary of the sadness
Misunderstanding
Too much demanding of more than I’ve ever been able or willing to give
I am reminded of what it is to live
Even if only for a moment
And daddy you’re the best
When you put my loving to the test
You know more about the depths of me than even I could comprehend
Your love is like a blessing
When you pour your love all over me
And remind me of my essence
In that moment we’re undressing
And I let you inside of me
I trust in you
Lust in you
Like it’s okay for women to do
Contrary to double standards
And the only power you abuse
While I’m there on top of you
Is the power that I choose
In that moment I am freed
The key to my essence
And all that it takes
When destiny collides with fate
There’s no escape
Our love transforms the moon into sunlight
And we become one with midnight
As I fight the urge to purge this impurity building inside of me
You find me a solution
A resolution to this madness
In that moment, I become a woman
No longer weary of the sadness
Misunderstanding
Too much demanding of more than I’ve ever been able or willing to give
I am reminded of what it is to live
Even if only for a moment
And daddy you’re the best
When you put my loving to the test
You know more about the depths of me than even I could comprehend
Your love is like a blessing
When you pour your love all over me
And remind me of my essence
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Free Write: LOVE
Seems to me that half the world is running from love
And the other half is still searching
For that place in all of us
That gives life meaning and purpose
Convincing ourselves that we deserve it
Is a full-time job with no benefits
No time off
No incentives
But this is as good as it gets
So we keep coming in everyday
For no pay
Promised minimum wage
But love doesn’t pay the bills
Besides, after taxes
What you’re bringing home isn’t worth the amount of work
That it takes
To make a broken heart keep beating
When love just keeps leaving us defeated
We result to bitterness
Tired from the fight
We’ve retreated
Settle for what we can get
Instead of all of the things that we’ve needed
Who’s left to believe in
Something with no rhyme or reason
We’ve all been keeping
Possibilities open
Wishing, praying and hoping
For something rarely chosen
Leaving us more lonely and broken
Than before it first arrived
But this time
The love I’ll be searching to find
Is mine
And the other half is still searching
For that place in all of us
That gives life meaning and purpose
Convincing ourselves that we deserve it
Is a full-time job with no benefits
No time off
No incentives
But this is as good as it gets
So we keep coming in everyday
For no pay
Promised minimum wage
But love doesn’t pay the bills
Besides, after taxes
What you’re bringing home isn’t worth the amount of work
That it takes
To make a broken heart keep beating
When love just keeps leaving us defeated
We result to bitterness
Tired from the fight
We’ve retreated
Settle for what we can get
Instead of all of the things that we’ve needed
Who’s left to believe in
Something with no rhyme or reason
We’ve all been keeping
Possibilities open
Wishing, praying and hoping
For something rarely chosen
Leaving us more lonely and broken
Than before it first arrived
But this time
The love I’ll be searching to find
Is mine
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Go Ahead and Hit Me!
“Go ahead and hit me!”
Emotion steams through darting eyes
Gaze locked with mine
For a instant in time
Everything that he’d internalized
Was absorbed into that moment
“Go ahead and hit me! I aint afraid to die…”
Takes more than “the right kind”
To find that the pain inside every step knows no reason to be alive
And I cried for him
For them
For every Black boy who thought their life insignificant
Meaningless
Only worth the taking
By someone who hadn’t earned it
Didn’t own it
And had no intention to ever give it back
He was already dying to live
Living to die
We know so few
Yet lose so many
What’s one more life?
The self-believed worthlessness of our people leads to stained sidewalks
You can’t see through blood to understanding
So he puts life at risk
Trades rights for tricks
Because he thinks that this is his way of demanding
Respect
Affirmation
Approval
But as usual, he is misled by bling and all the things that have no real value
And so he travels through life with a chip on his shoulder
And while he carries the weight
His heart just gets colder
With every friend lost to nigga
And every nigga lost to trigger
The world just gets bigger
While his passion just gets sicker
It’ll die soon
Just like the rest of him
His dreams will die too
Just like the best of them
What was, can never be again
Back then he was a kid with pipe dreams and friends
Now he’s a rebel
Regressing to when
A future was worth believing
And his people had meaning
But now he’s realizing
That equal opportunities are just lies
And he’ll have to work harder
Be stronger
And stand taller
To be awarded the same things
As those who hadn’t earned them
Oh, but baby maybe for a moment
If you’ll listen, I can show you that your forefathers were kings
And just when we gave flight, oppression clipped our wings
But freedom, she sings
She can he heard through our history
Through our voyage
Through our triumph
And through our victories
You have the blood of warriors pumping through your veins
And all that pain can either be an excuse
Or you can use it to revitalize your passion
Take back your life and stop asking
Feast on life and stop fasting
Live instead of just lasting
Because this life, it keeps passing
And I don’t want for you to be another casualty
All of this is what I should have told him
But instead he just looked back at me
As he kept walking toward his destiny
And I’ll pray for him
Because nothing I do can undo over 600 years of oppression
And no amount of words can convince him he’s worth more than less than
Not even his own reflection can reassure a soul who’s stopped believing in his blessings
Only he can learn this lesson
He is so beautiful and worthy
Instead he’ll go on not knowing
See, while he’s yelling “Hit me!” all I hear is “Save me!”
…but instead I’ll just keep going.
Emotion steams through darting eyes
Gaze locked with mine
For a instant in time
Everything that he’d internalized
Was absorbed into that moment
“Go ahead and hit me! I aint afraid to die…”
Takes more than “the right kind”
To find that the pain inside every step knows no reason to be alive
And I cried for him
For them
For every Black boy who thought their life insignificant
Meaningless
Only worth the taking
By someone who hadn’t earned it
Didn’t own it
And had no intention to ever give it back
He was already dying to live
Living to die
We know so few
Yet lose so many
What’s one more life?
The self-believed worthlessness of our people leads to stained sidewalks
You can’t see through blood to understanding
So he puts life at risk
Trades rights for tricks
Because he thinks that this is his way of demanding
Respect
Affirmation
Approval
But as usual, he is misled by bling and all the things that have no real value
And so he travels through life with a chip on his shoulder
And while he carries the weight
His heart just gets colder
With every friend lost to nigga
And every nigga lost to trigger
The world just gets bigger
While his passion just gets sicker
It’ll die soon
Just like the rest of him
His dreams will die too
Just like the best of them
What was, can never be again
Back then he was a kid with pipe dreams and friends
Now he’s a rebel
Regressing to when
A future was worth believing
And his people had meaning
But now he’s realizing
That equal opportunities are just lies
And he’ll have to work harder
Be stronger
And stand taller
To be awarded the same things
As those who hadn’t earned them
Oh, but baby maybe for a moment
If you’ll listen, I can show you that your forefathers were kings
And just when we gave flight, oppression clipped our wings
But freedom, she sings
She can he heard through our history
Through our voyage
Through our triumph
And through our victories
You have the blood of warriors pumping through your veins
And all that pain can either be an excuse
Or you can use it to revitalize your passion
Take back your life and stop asking
Feast on life and stop fasting
Live instead of just lasting
Because this life, it keeps passing
And I don’t want for you to be another casualty
All of this is what I should have told him
But instead he just looked back at me
As he kept walking toward his destiny
And I’ll pray for him
Because nothing I do can undo over 600 years of oppression
And no amount of words can convince him he’s worth more than less than
Not even his own reflection can reassure a soul who’s stopped believing in his blessings
Only he can learn this lesson
He is so beautiful and worthy
Instead he’ll go on not knowing
See, while he’s yelling “Hit me!” all I hear is “Save me!”
…but instead I’ll just keep going.
An Astounding Illustration of Heaven
A wave of affliction causes the depiction of this prison to be much different than what it actually is.
Past decisions no longer affect my inner vision.
My spirit, slowly giving in…
I must not
Cannot
Will not allow it to die out
My prayer: undying dedication to the relation between want, desire, passion and action.
Remove my uncensored attraction to unworthiness and doubt.
Fill that void instead with motivation and drive.
Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud.*
It is the devotion for my people that teaches me how
To love
I will not wander about this place,
Wasting His grace,
His gifts,
Masking His face
Must allow it to shine through places that others have wasted
And remember the fulfillment of freedom
Because I had forgotten how it tasted.
Sweet
In small breaths, I smell it.
In moments, I’ve felt it.
Damn that feeling!
Always lasting,
Never passing,
Forgotten treasure
Seldom remembered
Until the absence of You provides the promise of never something better.
If ever again I get to enjoy your sacred places,
I promise to honor that, which is more than just as occasion,
But instead an astounding illustration of Heaven
*1 Corinthians 13:4
Past decisions no longer affect my inner vision.
My spirit, slowly giving in…
I must not
Cannot
Will not allow it to die out
My prayer: undying dedication to the relation between want, desire, passion and action.
Remove my uncensored attraction to unworthiness and doubt.
Fill that void instead with motivation and drive.
Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud.*
It is the devotion for my people that teaches me how
To love
I will not wander about this place,
Wasting His grace,
His gifts,
Masking His face
Must allow it to shine through places that others have wasted
And remember the fulfillment of freedom
Because I had forgotten how it tasted.
Sweet
In small breaths, I smell it.
In moments, I’ve felt it.
Damn that feeling!
Always lasting,
Never passing,
Forgotten treasure
Seldom remembered
Until the absence of You provides the promise of never something better.
If ever again I get to enjoy your sacred places,
I promise to honor that, which is more than just as occasion,
But instead an astounding illustration of Heaven
*1 Corinthians 13:4
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My Sisters Keeper…
We were much younger back then
More than sisters
Friends
We made others envy us
Rooted relationship in trust
Our bond was epic
Swore we’d never let it
Falter
Never fail
Our love was boundless
And it shone in the way we treated each other
Pacted to never ever leave each other
…and we meant it
Still to this day I pray and thank God for you
Think of countless moments I couldn’t have survived without you
Truth is that you helped raise me
She birthed me but you made me
And while she was out busting her ass to support her seed
You stayed at home and helped nurture my dreams
You’re a prominent force in my existence
You believed in me when others doubted my vision
And even in moments when she broke my spirit
You strengthened my back bone and convinced me that life was worth living
Somewhere, sometime, at some point you started expecting too much from me
To keep giving and giving
And have nothing left for me
Too high on your pedestal to look down at your own humility
But I’m not superwoman
I’m just the human me
You’ll call me selfish because of it
But hurt filled generations are a product of what happens when we expect too much from kids
Always at the back of the line,
I had to stay ten steps ahead just to keep up
Expected by everyone to act grown up
But people still somehow forgot
That I was a full grown baby
I didn’t experience life through your skin
Can never see it through your eyes
And I know I’m not perfect
But dear God I try
To be everything to everyone all of the time
But how can I be my sisters’ keeper
When it’s hurting me more
To stay and do the work than to walk out the door
Count it as a loss
Instead of doing my part
To strengthen a relationship that’s fallen apart
I’ll hold onto this but at what cost?
My self esteem, my soul, my spirit, my heart?
Why shouldn’t I get to keep something for myself?
Where is it written in The Book that to get to heaven
You have to go through hell
There’s no room for me here.
This space is consumed by your ego
And I’m so over all the arguing
All that does is feed you.
Validate your dramatic interpretation of reality
And further dig myself into this hole
While the whole time you’re here hurting me…
I expected so much more from you
Than to expect the worst from a soul who has already given her whole
…then still gave more too
I thought we were in this together
Instead abusive words are my return for the storm that I’ve weathered
Look at how far we’ve come to nothingness
25 years later and there’s no trusting left
Just fake smiles, forced calls and loneliness
Hurts cuz I think more than anyone else, we owe this to US
Who’s gonna hold us down the only way we can do?
It’s like you forgot all of the times I surrendered my seam for you
Inside out and wide open
I went to the extreme for you
All I wanted was to make you proud
And mirror the same thing that you would do
…but now I’m at a loss
Time gone
And we’ve lost ourselves
We pay the price for goodbyes
Look at all we cost ourselves
Empty pockets
No loose change to pay my way
But I’m tryna get my money up
So I can buy us both a pass someday
Until we reconcile and love redeems itself
I’ll be praying for simpler solutions to how things were dealt
So that next time (if there’s a next time)
We’ll have help from God
That way maybe...just maybe being my sister’s keeper won’t be so hard…
More than sisters
Friends
We made others envy us
Rooted relationship in trust
Our bond was epic
Swore we’d never let it
Falter
Never fail
Our love was boundless
And it shone in the way we treated each other
Pacted to never ever leave each other
…and we meant it
Still to this day I pray and thank God for you
Think of countless moments I couldn’t have survived without you
Truth is that you helped raise me
She birthed me but you made me
And while she was out busting her ass to support her seed
You stayed at home and helped nurture my dreams
You’re a prominent force in my existence
You believed in me when others doubted my vision
And even in moments when she broke my spirit
You strengthened my back bone and convinced me that life was worth living
Somewhere, sometime, at some point you started expecting too much from me
To keep giving and giving
And have nothing left for me
Too high on your pedestal to look down at your own humility
But I’m not superwoman
I’m just the human me
You’ll call me selfish because of it
But hurt filled generations are a product of what happens when we expect too much from kids
Always at the back of the line,
I had to stay ten steps ahead just to keep up
Expected by everyone to act grown up
But people still somehow forgot
That I was a full grown baby
I didn’t experience life through your skin
Can never see it through your eyes
And I know I’m not perfect
But dear God I try
To be everything to everyone all of the time
But how can I be my sisters’ keeper
When it’s hurting me more
To stay and do the work than to walk out the door
Count it as a loss
Instead of doing my part
To strengthen a relationship that’s fallen apart
I’ll hold onto this but at what cost?
My self esteem, my soul, my spirit, my heart?
Why shouldn’t I get to keep something for myself?
Where is it written in The Book that to get to heaven
You have to go through hell
There’s no room for me here.
This space is consumed by your ego
And I’m so over all the arguing
All that does is feed you.
Validate your dramatic interpretation of reality
And further dig myself into this hole
While the whole time you’re here hurting me…
I expected so much more from you
Than to expect the worst from a soul who has already given her whole
…then still gave more too
I thought we were in this together
Instead abusive words are my return for the storm that I’ve weathered
Look at how far we’ve come to nothingness
25 years later and there’s no trusting left
Just fake smiles, forced calls and loneliness
Hurts cuz I think more than anyone else, we owe this to US
Who’s gonna hold us down the only way we can do?
It’s like you forgot all of the times I surrendered my seam for you
Inside out and wide open
I went to the extreme for you
All I wanted was to make you proud
And mirror the same thing that you would do
…but now I’m at a loss
Time gone
And we’ve lost ourselves
We pay the price for goodbyes
Look at all we cost ourselves
Empty pockets
No loose change to pay my way
But I’m tryna get my money up
So I can buy us both a pass someday
Until we reconcile and love redeems itself
I’ll be praying for simpler solutions to how things were dealt
So that next time (if there’s a next time)
We’ll have help from God
That way maybe...just maybe being my sister’s keeper won’t be so hard…
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