Monday, June 14, 2010

Apology to Writing

I’ve forgotten how you feel
Your touch
The way it envelopes me when no one else has the strength…or the courage to hold me
Long enough to let the tears soak in your clothing
Holding me even through the anger
The denial
The unwillingness to believe that this right here…
Might be all that life has to offer
And why bother faking it or wasting it on paper
I could just scream the words out loud
Enough for only you to hear and you would listen attentively
Every word holding meaning
Never belittling even the most minor thought
Because you know more than anyone how much I meant it
Never too dramatic
Merely an exaggeration to say the least
And while others label me a fanatic
You allowed me to hold onto you so tight that when I let go my hands would be the color of your skin
Set deep within my pores
YOU became a part of me
Never telling me not to over think things
Or over analyze situations
In fact quite the opposite
You allowed me to process with patience
You taught me to pull apart every layer of meaning
And allowed me to be myself
In every emotion I was feeling

At whatever cost you came
I didn’t have to say your name for you to notice me
Didn’t have to beg you for affirmation
I knew that we shared the same thoughts, ideas, feelings, realness
And if at anytime I questioned it,
I could peel back your cover and discover that your insides were my insides
Running deep and spilling over
Shared secrets like a lover
You found the depths of me
The absolute darkest places that I tried hard to erase but only managed to push deeper into my being

If we don’t set them free, we become our secrets
We become those parts of ourselves that we’re afraid for the world to know
When we push them down into fertile soil, they grow
Begin to show above the surface
Forgetting our purpose
We become those sad places
Those hurt places
Those silent places that long to be acknowledged and loved just like all the other parts of us

Instead of keeping me stuck in those places
You gave me a space to share my story
My yearning to be understood got transferred through lines and rhymes
Into the right to be heard
I could never have found myself without finding you
My passion
My zeal
Reminding me that feeling can feel good
My solace
My treasure
Thank you for how you deliver me
And make me feel better about feeling
Forgetting you has been like treason
No more writers block
No more wasted ticks on tock
No more hiding
No, no more fighting
I’m sorry
Is my apology to writing

1 comment:

  1. oh my oh my oh my....i don't have to (couldn't even if I tired) find the words to express these feelings because you ACED it mama....i FEEL this poem and it speaks FOR ME...thank YOU!! xoxo