Monday, April 25, 2011

Bags (Prelude)

It takes a long time for young girls to view their mothers as human. We grow up watching them conquer the world like superwomen; all the while, gaining unrealistic ideas of what we have to live up to. Trying to walk in mommy’s shoes, our spirits overwhelmed with the notion that we could never fill them…until that morning we wake up and realize that our mothers, much like us, are not perfect. Every woman can pin point that day, that moment, that incident that defined her newfound relationship with her mom. The day that we began to despise instead of emulate them. That day that we began to look down upon them, wish they were better, smarter, richer, prettier, more ambitious, skinnier, braver, more independent…and we hold onto that resentment. It walks with us, breeds life inside of us and becomes the space that harbors dislike for other women who look and act just like us and who walk the same walk as us. It becomes the place we harbor self hate. We begin to blame our mothers for the reasons we don’t have more, hurt less or know how to love better.

Somewhere down the line, somewhere in the mainstream of our adulthood, where self acceptance meets forgiveness, we begin to look into the mirror and see them. Many made mistakes. Many did what they could at the time with what they had. Many were young, some too young to be raising children. Some were angry, not at us, but at the world for not taking more responsibility for our children and placing more value on our lives, equipping mothers with the necessities of what it takes to not have to work three jobs and depend ONLY on the grace of God to raise us.

Some will never reach this knowing until they too become mothers, when they can finally look their mothers in the eyes and say “I know what you were going through…” Some of us will never get there because somewhere deep down we’re still carrying the burden of all that pain, still feeding off of the idea that we are worth less than the mistakes that our mothers made.

Only when we allow ourselves to let down our guard and heal can we begin to peer into their eyes and see ourselves in them. Only when we begin to base our perception of them less on their mistakes and more on the knowledge of how FUCKING hard it is to be a woman in this world will we accept them as human. Our mothers deserve that much…they deserve to be accepted, acknowledged, loved, adored because they carried us; not only in their wombs but through life. Our mothers are the backbone of society. They nurture life and prolong existence. Where would we be without them?
Mommy, I dedicate this poem to you. You will forever be a superwoman in my eyes…

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I Am From...

I am from...
Mango and lime trees
Dried out wishing wells
And banana leaves

I am from...
She who raised me to be great
Worked hard so that her ceiling could be my floor
No matter how high my own expectations
She believed in my for more

I am from…
Less than enough and still more than we needed
From outhouses
Scarce resources
And faith in He who we were taught to believe in

I am from...
Catholicism and broad Christianity
From religion and sacrilegious tragedy
I am from betrayal of the book and treason
From denial of His word and what we were forced to believe in

I am from...
His touch
Seduced by the satisfaction of those who desired me to desire them
Turned lovers and friends
To false angels and demons
Therein dictating the love that I believed in

I am from...
Beliefs’ being what grounds me
And challenges me to be the me He's destined me to be

I am from…
This person
This place
This thing
This tradition
This memory
Those that made me but still do not define me

I am me.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Key to My Essence

You remind me of my essence
In that moment we’re undressing
And I let you inside of me
I trust in you
Lust in you
Like it’s okay for women to do
Contrary to double standards
And the only power you abuse
While I’m there on top of you
Is the power that I choose

In that moment I am freed
The key to my essence
And all that it takes
When destiny collides with fate
There’s no escape
Our love transforms the moon into sunlight
And we become one with midnight
As I fight the urge to purge this impurity building inside of me

You find me a solution
A resolution to this madness
In that moment, I become a woman
No longer weary of the sadness
Too much demanding of more than I’ve ever been able or willing to give
I am reminded of what it is to live
Even if only for a moment
And daddy you’re the best
When you put my loving to the test
You know more about the depths of me than even I could comprehend
Your love is like a blessing
When you pour your love all over me
And remind me of my essence