Monday, June 14, 2010

Married to the System

It’s been 365 days exact…that’s 8,760 hours we can never get back. Hard to imagine the world still in tact, when mine hasn’t been the same since learning the fact that you’ve been stolen from me by street life, drug sales and steel bars. Blinded by the glamour of platinum ice, cash flow and nice cars. You traded in our love for drug sales; and in turn sold that for time in jail. Two years was the sentence. When will our dear America learn that handcuffs don’t teach lessons? Especially when you’ve been taught your whole life that you’re worth less than. YOU try and provide for your family when there’s no food and rent is due and the only one of the kids old enough to work is you. What does dear old America expect us to do when minimum wage equals less than livable too?

I hadn’t kissed you for so long that it felt wrong the first time that I saw you again. The system creates distance way longer than miles can bend. Makes criminals out of daddies and defendants out of friends, homicide victims out of loved ones and gives us our men just as lent. Cuz most know they’ll never see 18 before having their dreams ripped at the seams. To hide the holes in a life handed, never chose, they pin RIP buttons for each one as they go.

Don’t you understand? There aint no American dream! We’ve been locked up where cracked liberty bells outweigh our dreams. Our community is knocked up and poverty only breeds desperation. So our babies grow up learning that there are quicker ways to get paid than with a pay check. It’s not hard to see who got power in this country: white men with money…so that’s who we aspire to be. Cuz we grow up not having presidents who look like me. They tell us have dreams but we lack opportunity…but they aint got nothing to say for it. So we live our lives poor and have to pay for it.

Handcuffs and barbed wire
We live our lives imprisoned
And they say we have a choice but this is how we living!

Til the day I get to hold your hand, touch your face and feel your heart against mine.
We’ll remain victims to the system
Just flirting with possibilities but married to time.

asking too much

mean what u say
say what u mean
dont sell me a dream
less than what's fit for a queen
so when i awake on my throne
sure to have missed the scene
i wont question my spirit
and know what to believe...

dont discredit my heart
or undermine my faith
with purpose and love
i'll erase this page
and move onto a new chapter
that i've yet to create
with hopes of new beginnings
more worthy of fate...

prematurely u arrive
too late u depart
no time to rewind
back to the start
but assured am i
if ever i thought
away with u, u'll take my heart...

so farewell sweet dreams
now only memories
of what could be
if u respected me
but the truth too late
and the heart too dry
it now beats of false hopes
and countless goodbyes...

this one the last
i'll let go of the past
and never again ask
too much of a man


March 2, 2006

If I could float on my dreams like clouds,
I would disappear to a place in the distance, way up there
Where days don’t begin without sunlight and nights don’t end without resolution
If I could, I would fly away and pack all of my problems into one day
Then erase that day off of the calendar
Like the 30th of February
If I could, Id marry destiny and convince him to fly away with me
To that place in the sky
Where dreams exist
And the world would thank me because of this
If I could…

She abandoned me....15 years, 10 days, 16 hours and 25 minutes ago, she abandoned me. I daydream of days where I don’t feel locked away by cages, raping me of my humanity…how could she abandon me? It’s gonna take some time they said. It’s gonna take some time to forget her. But how could I forget the woman who breathed life into my soul, made me whole like knowledge makes the mind? But I allowed myself to believe that in time, she’d come back. If I just kept holding on, like songs that drag on for too long. And the truth is that I’m angry. How could she abandon me?! How could she be witness to eyes that she once prized? Dark skin, small waist, big ass, thick thighs...just like mommy’s. And she lied when she said I was her everything, heard birds sing when she was around me. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t be, couldn’t live without me. Said everything she did would be about me. But then she gave up way too soon and sought another route without me. “Its not your fault,” she said; as she held the shot gun to her head, one shot to her brain, and now mommy is dead. I was only six and saw life flash before me way too quick. She couldn’t cope with nowhere to go. She was a drug addict, addicted to dope. So she died at 22, what a tragedy…and left me here to carry the burden of the world. How could she abandon me?


Locked up and caged
Inflicted with rage
Restricted to hate
Cuffed and detained
Prison is NOT where they’ll remain

Tattooed and engraved
Our self worth has been maimed
Let down and slain,
The system warrants this pain
With the assurance it’ll happen again

Ripped from families
We amount to less without them
Cuz the digits aren’t adding up
But it’s not just about them
It’s about babies that grow up parentless
And parents that lose their kids
…to the system
And we’ve lost far more than just a little bit
Caught we’re in a war with time and we’re losing it
Mostly we’re not choosing it
System imposed, we learn the ropes and stay accused of it

So tell me, who’s to blame?
When no one will claim ownership of locking young ones away
Probation and parole
Court dates and group homes
Judges and police
Why do we get our kids on loan
When others have theirs to keep?

We want our babies back!
Plain and simple…
We won’t conform to a system that breaks bread off the backs of those most vulnerable
Restore and rehabilitate reentry and reiterate
Our young ones aren’t for you to take
And we’ll fight for them if it’s the last move we make
Because jail does not teach lessons
And neither does detention
Or Confinement
Or Prison
Or whatever else you wanna call the system that steals our children
From school to juvie to the state penitentiary
We’re setting limitations on our future by teaching children how not to dream

We have not forgot them
Though they stay locked up and caged in
Inflicted with raging
Restricted to hating
Cuffed and detained in…

…is NOT where they’ll remain

We’ll keep trying and keep fighting
And we’ll keep riding for their lives

Our kids have been STOLEN from us. They are a lot more than just STATISTICS and NUMBERS but in order to for the system to claim ACCOUNTABILITY, we must restore JUSTICE in our communities. Babies, you are not FORGOTTEN. We will never forget you to PRISON.

Apology to Writing

I’ve forgotten how you feel
Your touch
The way it envelopes me when no one else has the strength…or the courage to hold me
Long enough to let the tears soak in your clothing
Holding me even through the anger
The denial
The unwillingness to believe that this right here…
Might be all that life has to offer
And why bother faking it or wasting it on paper
I could just scream the words out loud
Enough for only you to hear and you would listen attentively
Every word holding meaning
Never belittling even the most minor thought
Because you know more than anyone how much I meant it
Never too dramatic
Merely an exaggeration to say the least
And while others label me a fanatic
You allowed me to hold onto you so tight that when I let go my hands would be the color of your skin
Set deep within my pores
YOU became a part of me
Never telling me not to over think things
Or over analyze situations
In fact quite the opposite
You allowed me to process with patience
You taught me to pull apart every layer of meaning
And allowed me to be myself
In every emotion I was feeling

At whatever cost you came
I didn’t have to say your name for you to notice me
Didn’t have to beg you for affirmation
I knew that we shared the same thoughts, ideas, feelings, realness
And if at anytime I questioned it,
I could peel back your cover and discover that your insides were my insides
Running deep and spilling over
Shared secrets like a lover
You found the depths of me
The absolute darkest places that I tried hard to erase but only managed to push deeper into my being

If we don’t set them free, we become our secrets
We become those parts of ourselves that we’re afraid for the world to know
When we push them down into fertile soil, they grow
Begin to show above the surface
Forgetting our purpose
We become those sad places
Those hurt places
Those silent places that long to be acknowledged and loved just like all the other parts of us

Instead of keeping me stuck in those places
You gave me a space to share my story
My yearning to be understood got transferred through lines and rhymes
Into the right to be heard
I could never have found myself without finding you
My passion
My zeal
Reminding me that feeling can feel good
My solace
My treasure
Thank you for how you deliver me
And make me feel better about feeling
Forgetting you has been like treason
No more writers block
No more wasted ticks on tock
No more hiding
No, no more fighting
I’m sorry
Is my apology to writing