Depression

I know this place
A familiar state
One that sadness cannot duplicate
One that happiness will not replace
It envelopes me
Dark cloud drenches me
No salvation
No patience for deliverance

Solitude in this confinement
My divine assignment
Why have thou forsaken me
With such treacherous misery
It lives inside of me
Where no external vision can see
Nor comprehend
A wound no time can ever mend

I remain fearful that my wounds are showing
My heart is heavy
Overflowing
There’s no place to dump this excess weight

My fate
That was never mine to own
Never mine to carry
In need of an annulment from this arranged marriage
Into which I’ve unwillingly married

God please help me,
To escape from this shelter of alone
It’s where I’ve built refuge
Where I feel at home

Impossible to be loved
When loving myself feels forbidden
Oh prison of despair
My sight is conflicted by blurred vision
Really I care
But it blocks out all instinction

This “feeling”
It won’t go away
So instead I succumb to a world filled with grey
And pray to God for salvation from the pain

Love Is Enough

This poverty weakens me
Keeps me from fulfilling my God given gifts
But if not for this struggle that fuels me
My dreams would be no more than only a wish
Cast upon shooting stars
They soar through night sky
But eventually they die
Leave me vacant
But who am I to expect more from an existence
That’s lent itself as a poverty prison
For past generations of poor women before me
The seeds they’ve sown
Have grown up to offer more nutrients than ever before
But still we go hungry
Our children ask: “Mommy what will you eat?”
When the pennies we’ve scraped together still aren’t enough to make ends meet
Feeling like we’ve failed
When really it’s the world that’s claimed defeat
Sick to our stomach from life’s hunger
So we consume each other’s dreams
Devour their potential
Climb over each other
Like crabs in a barrel
Craving a solution
We all feed on this poverty pollution
We’ll starve
Malnourished
Forgetting the seeds planted for us
We’ll ignore the harvest
During disputes of who’s the poorest
We begin to waste away
To feed our spirit
We pray
Reminding ourselves to feast on love
It’ll nurture our existence
And it’s more than enough
Little did we know,
Love has always been enough

“But I, being poor, only have my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” -William Butler Yeats

Every Day I Pray

Every day I pray

Ask God for salvation for the ones left behind
Dusk will never find them
Their life ran out of time

We’ll lay them down
Heaven bound
Still searching for those lost and never found

Death runs this town
It wears the crown
Rules over war filled streets
And seized heart beats

There’s no escape
No rescue
When loss gets the best of you

Pay condolences for the ones close to you
Pour out liquor for the ones you never knew
So pour out juice and gin…
Rock their pins
Attend funerals
And memorials all year round
While gunshots still ring out
We’ll block out the sound
And ignore the root causes
We’re living in a generation that’s lost
To systems that bank on our death for profit
A government that locks our kids up
Then leaves them jobless
Though we perpetuate it
We aren’t the ones that cause it
I wish we could find the self love to stop it

“They’re” dying
Means “we’re” dying
We’ve lost the battle
But we can still win the war
That is what our ancestors died fighting for
So I’ll keep praying
Every day
That tomorrow what I pray for won’t have to be the same as the things I prayed for today...

Perfect Love

Maybe this perfect love was too perfect
Maybe the Immaculate Conception that birthed it
Was far too much for human hands
So it spilled out of our grasp
Into puddles on the floor
Washed away by ignorant tears
Unknowing that those years meant nothing
They don’t get written into history books
Because like a crook, you stole the past
Like a thief, you took the only love that ever loved me back

Maybe this perfect love was too perfect
Or maybe I just wasn’t worth it
But you loved on me like I was the only love that mattered
When you said goodbye
That last time
That part of my existence shattered

Maybe I lived our love differently
But now what does it matter?
I was reaching for eternity
But you threw me from the ladder
Because you were too scared of perfect
Or at least that’s what I gathered
At least that’s what I convinced myself during that long journey through goodbye
But I made that trip gracefully
You took almost everything but my pride
Packed away in my suitcase, everything from love I kept
Mistakes and regret
Broken promises and lost bets
Turned around and almost lost step
When ignorance replaced fact
And I was forced to face the realization that this time you weren’t running after me
This time you weren’t coming back for me

Maybe this love was never mine to begin with
But if this isn’t perfect love then what is it?
What could possibly be worth more?
But hurt less
What do I keep looking for
Once I’ve already had the best?
Who is this prince charming I’m expected to invest in
Again
When you were my greatest investment

Maybe this perfect love was just too perfect
Maybe the devil knew we would be innovators of the trend
Foolish were we to think that destiny was ours to mend
Or maybe God took back this perfect love
Because blessings are just lent
Whatever the reason
Whoever to blame
That perfect love is resting now
Upon broken sill window pain

My love is no longer our love
Will never be the same
My greatest fear
Too devastating to bear
Our love was the only true love
I’ve lost my greatest friend
And now the world may never know perfect love again