Strange Love

I saw you today
You passed right by me
And my breathe went away
You didn’t even say hi to me
I kept my composure
But I died inside
Because I never got closure
But I couldn’t stand the thought of you seeing me cry
So I kept walking too
Counting the ways in my head that I would let go of you
I turned back once
Quickly
Just to see if you were looking back too
Watching me watch you
But no, you stayed straight ahead
Just kept walking instead
And I wasn’t surprised
But time stood still in goodbye
An ironic metaphor for our relationship, huh?
I make all of the compromises
And you make none
Me bending backwards
You keeping it moving
Me making myself an option
That you were never choosing
One big game
That I was always losing
Me, like a lab rat
You kept testing my strength
Just to have your hypothesis proven
I was so weak for you
But only for you
What else did you expect me to do
When I was a fool
Head over heels
For a man with a gun
Who would steal my heart and then run
I’ll laugh away the pain
But it’s not funny
How somebody that knew me so well
Better than anybody
Has ever or would ever, could ever know me again
Could be so distant
Homies, lovers and friends back then
Now almost like strangers

We lost ourselves somewhere back there
Two blocks before yesterday
And I keep searching the ground for memories
But you picked them up and threw them all away
I keep trying to find us
But instead there are stains on the sidewalk
From where we murdered love
It’s never coming back to us
Just fades more with every teardrop
And I keep running back for love
But there are signs on every street corner that scream STOP!
How could I still love someone
Who would rather run than love me
Reality is, you didn’t steal my heart
You got it from me
I handed it to you sometime before hello and after goodbye
But I couldn’t stand the thought of you seeing me cry
Because I gave you more than you deserved
You never stayed true to your word
And now our love is left out on the curb
And what have I learned?
That I would still walk a thousand more miles for love
If in the end it promised to return

Depression

I know this place
A familiar state
One that sadness cannot duplicate
One that happiness will not replace
It envelopes me
Dark cloud drenches me
No salvation
No patience for deliverance

Solitude in this confinement
My divine assignment
Why have thou forsaken me
With such treacherous misery
It lives inside of me
Where no external vision can see
Nor comprehend
A wound no time can ever mend

I remain fearful that my wounds are showing
My heart is heavy
Overflowing
There’s no place to dump this excess weight

My fate
That was never mine to own
Never mine to carry
In need of an annulment from this arranged marriage
Into which I’ve unwillingly married

God please help me,
To escape from this shelter of alone
It’s where I’ve built refuge
Where I feel at home

Impossible to be loved
When loving myself feels forbidden
Oh prison of despair
My sight is conflicted by blurred vision
Really I care
But it blocks out all instinction

This “feeling”
It won’t go away
So instead I succumb to a world filled with grey
And pray to God for salvation from the pain

Every Day I Pray

Every day I pray

Ask God for salvation for the ones left behind
Dusk will never find them
Their life ran out of time

We’ll lay them down
Heaven bound
Still searching for those lost and never found

Death runs this town
It wears the crown
Rules over war filled streets
And seized heart beats

There’s no escape
No rescue
When loss gets the best of you

Pay condolences for the ones close to you
Pour out liquor for the ones you never knew
So pour out juice and gin…
Rock their pins
Attend funerals
And memorials all year round
While gunshots still ring out
We’ll block out the sound
And ignore the root causes
We’re living in a generation that’s lost
To systems that bank on our death for profit
A government that locks our kids up
Then leaves them jobless
Though we perpetuate it
We aren’t the ones that cause it
I wish we could find the self love to stop it

“They’re” dying
Means “we’re” dying
We’ve lost the battle
But we can still win the war
That is what our ancestors died fighting for
So I’ll keep praying
Every day
That tomorrow what I pray for won’t have to be the same as the things I prayed for today...

Perfect Love

Maybe this perfect love was too perfect
Maybe the Immaculate Conception that birthed it
Was far too much for human hands
So it spilled out of our grasp
Into puddles on the floor
Washed away by ignorant tears
Unknowing that those years meant nothing
They don’t get written into history books
Because like a crook, you stole the past
Like a thief, you took the only love that ever loved me back

Maybe this perfect love was too perfect
Or maybe I just wasn’t worth it
But you loved on me like I was the only love that mattered
When you said goodbye
That last time
That part of my existence shattered

Maybe I lived our love differently
But now what does it matter?
I was reaching for eternity
But you threw me from the ladder
Because you were too scared of perfect
Or at least that’s what I gathered
At least that’s what I convinced myself during that long journey through goodbye
But I made that trip gracefully
You took almost everything but my pride
Packed away in my suitcase, everything from love I kept
Mistakes and regret
Broken promises and lost bets
Turned around and almost lost step
When ignorance replaced fact
And I was forced to face the realization that this time you weren’t running after me
This time you weren’t coming back for me

Maybe this love was never mine to begin with
But if this isn’t perfect love then what is it?
What could possibly be worth more?
But hurt less
What do I keep looking for
Once I’ve already had the best?
Who is this prince charming I’m expected to invest in
Again
When you were my greatest investment

Maybe this perfect love was just too perfect
Maybe the devil knew we would be innovators of the trend
Foolish were we to think that destiny was ours to mend
Or maybe God took back this perfect love
Because blessings are just lent
Whatever the reason
Whoever to blame
That perfect love is resting now
Upon broken sill window pain

My love is no longer our love
Will never be the same
My greatest fear
Too devastating to bear
Our love was the only true love
I’ve lost my greatest friend
And now the world may never know perfect love again