Forced Living

I’m forcing myself to write about you

Since you’ve been gone

I can’t eat

Can’t sleep

Nothing is right without you

Can’t go on living

I don’t want to HAVE to live without you

I spend most moments in a panic

Life without you is real and I can’t stand it

No one understands it

Can’t weather this storm

Can’t do this no more

How could God close the door

On a life that was needed here more

I won’t ever accept this

As a fact of life

Or something right

Or one of God’s lessons

I’ll spend the rest of my days pretending

That you’re still here

Somewhere

Enjoying what was left

But you left before you experienced the best

I feel guilty

That I didn’t do more before you left me

But life is tricky

We know too little too late

Life is devoured before the taste

And before I know it

You’re not with me

I’m forcing myself to write about you

So here it is…

How am I supposed to tell my kids

…about you?

How can they ever know me without you?

I’m everything I am

Because of everything you were

I hate who I’ve become without you

Who's supposed to remind you of who you are

When everyone who knew the real you is gone?

The gifts you gave are immeasurable

The void you left is impossible

Now I lay hostage to your absence

No time

No rhyme or reason

Can stop this bleeding  

Or the pain from you leaving

Can’t stop the burn

I’ll never learn

To live without you

I don’t want to HAVE to live without you

So…

I’m forcing myself to write about you

Because since you’ve been gone

The nights are too long

The days are a fight

Can’t eat

Can’t sleep

Nothing is right without you

Can’t go on living

I don’t want to HAVE to live without you

This poem won’t have a happy ending

There’s no silver lining

All wounds don’t heal with time and

This is a burden I’ll carry with me

All of your sacrifice to make us happy

We never fully appreciate

What we have til it’s too late

Now that you’re gone

The faint sound of the songs you used to sing me

Live on in your memory

Every Day I Pray

Every day I pray

Ask God for salvation for the ones left behind
Dusk will never find them
Their life ran out of time

We’ll lay them down
Heaven bound
Still searching for those lost and never found

Death runs this town
It wears the crown
Rules over war filled streets
And seized heart beats

There’s no escape
No rescue
When loss gets the best of you

Pay condolences for the ones close to you
Pour out liquor for the ones you never knew
So pour out juice and gin…
Rock their pins
Attend funerals
And memorials all year round
While gunshots still ring out
We’ll block out the sound
And ignore the root causes
We’re living in a generation that’s lost
To systems that bank on our death for profit
A government that locks our kids up
Then leaves them jobless
Though we perpetuate it
We aren’t the ones that cause it
I wish we could find the self love to stop it

“They’re” dying
Means “we’re” dying
We’ve lost the battle
But we can still win the war
That is what our ancestors died fighting for
So I’ll keep praying
Every day
That tomorrow what I pray for won’t have to be the same as the things I prayed for today...