Saturday, July 30, 2011

Love Affair

Is the most dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever had
I try and get it out of my system
But it keeps pumping through my veins
Justifies and warrants the pain
Causes me to come back time and time again
Even when it’s hurting more to stay

No explanation
No resolution
Null of Restitution
A foreign concept
Ancient conquest
No true discovery

I’m convinced it can’t exist amongst this loneliness
There’s not enough room to embrace the magnitude of two all consuming emotions.

But love, it keeps me going
Keeps me knowing purpose in an otherwise purposeless life
Makes wrong right
When I’m sightless
Simple minded
Simply, it’s because I’ve been blinded by love

How you charm me into believing
That you’re mine
Even while you’re leaving
For the last time
You push me out the way
Failed attempt to make you stay
Press my face to your chest
Plead from my very depth

But I’ll be loving you still
Even long after you’ve left

I’ll put up a wall
Tough skin
Blank voice when you call

But truth is that I need love
Bleed love
Hear voices within
Telling me to keep fighting
Because I know it’s my right
And this love is pure destiny
Lives inside of me and breeds life

I nurture its growth
And don’t you know
I live to love this life inside of me
Learn to like its tragedy
Infatuated with the fallacy
That the true meaning of love is held somewhere in this twisted galaxy

How this love fuels me
Rules me like mighty men
But love don’t love me ever
Never loved me then
Promises forever
But never says when

Love is the most dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever had.
So as I pack my bags
I say goodbye to the love I never really had
Say farewell to yesterday
You’ll pretend you’re sad
But before I make it out the door
I’m already coming back

To this dysfunctional
Love affair

Monday, July 25, 2011

Her Heart

Her heart is heavy
Some have lost a few
She’s lost plenty

She’s never held more weight than she can carry
Still, she’s lost count of how many she’s buried
So she goes through life
Eyes teary and heart heavy

The load never lessens
A curse with no blessing
Memories of those resting
Taught consequences with no lessons

You can’t see her heavy heart
She’s played her part
She carries the burden
Pretends she’s not hurting


Her heart is heavy
Some have lost a few
She’s lost plenty

There’s no time stamp on pain
So she keeps reliving it over and over again
In the core of her existence
Hurt stays imprisoned

How do you support someone through mourning?
When every morning is a reminder of the loss
This struggle might cost her her life
This time

Constant retraumatization
Nothing is changing
So she strives to live beyond the pain
To be more than the pins she wears
Or her dried out tears
But all the years have taught
Is that it’s impossible not to get caught
In this whirlpool of destruction
And the corruption caused to her heart

So she loses hope in believing
Her heart keeps beating
Despite faith fleeting
Internal bleeding
Allows no rhyme or reason
For the chaos

So she remains lost to this
Passes it onto her kids
A viscous cycle
Pain knows no end
It didn’t start with her
And it won’t end with them
It will get passed down through generations
Past households
Across nations
Before we know it, we’re all hurting
Don’t you know it?
We’re all hurting

This pain can be cured in her heart
But she’ll never know it
Granted the ability to be the change
The ability to live again
Instead she’ll reap consequences
Even though she didn’t sow it
And she’ll go on hurting
But she won’t show it

She IS the generation down the line
Pain doesn’t heal with time
Without intent and work
So she’ll work to be the change
To move past the pain

Until it revisits her again

In her heart…

..Is heavy
Some have lost a few
She’s lost plenty

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Maryanne Williamson (Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech)

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Land of Opportunity

People living in impoverished communities in this country enter lotteries hoping to win millions; people living in impoverished communities in other countries enter lotteries hoping to win access to "the land of opportunity."